Posted onNovember 30, 2014
Posted underStream of Consciousness
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I woke from a nightmare, screaming and sweating after only an hour if sleep tonight… not even my dreams are safe.
Time for round 2..
can’t wait for time to temper and harden the foundation of my life. I have more optimism now in my ability to build. It’s been so long since I felt this way, it’s a welcome respite. I possess the conviction to persevere, with or without certainty. I will fix that which you made clear was broken, my only regret is that you won’t see it. It will be a sight to behold, of that I am sure. I miss you, but I miss myself more.
Here’s the poem I performed tonight. Special thanks to my close friends Braden and Amanda for showing their support, I never would had the courage to speak my soul without them:
When I’m with you, I fly. There’s nothing quite like the sky, filling one’s eyes to make you forget how far the ground is, but it’s there, it’s there waiting to be the only thing to catch me when you’re gone.
I lose myself, I lose my identity it seems, in an ocean of dreams, when all I’ve known is a life of streams.. and puddles.
It hurts. It hurts, to be shackled to Mr. Hyde when Dr Jekyll is all I want to be.
When we’re together, I’m an addict, counting the sobriety tokens I’ve earned since the sharpest and most broken parts of me were pressed firm against the most vulnerable parts of each of us.
My moment of clarity is a nightmare, flashes of moments I was scared, causing my hair to stand on end and tear at everything I was once so sure of.
We may be tough as nails–but over the years, the salt in my tears has left my skin brown with rust and when I reach out to touch you all I have to give…
So I wait, I sit and I wait, alone and I wait, praying and hoping that time will soon have mercy enough to CLR my heart and all that I am can be shiny and new once more.