Eq’s Shower Philosophy…

I believe I started smoking as a means of ‘socially acceptable’ self-destruction.  A dark spot in my past resulted in the loss of my ability to care about myself.  I guess that’s the true genesis of self-resentment, even before you.

Maybe it’s all my fault for not recognizing this in myself sooner.  I could have prevented a lot of what happened in the past year if I’d seen myself as incapable of participating in a healthy relationship before we’d met.  I’m sorry for the grief my ignorance caused us both…

I’ve been spending all my time digging internally.  I’m trying to find purpose, I’m trying to find a genuine smile, somewhere in there.

I’ll keep looking, though I’m wracked by the regret of losing my best friend and companion in that search…

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