Moments of Contemplation

This afternoon, I was chatting briefly with an old friend of mine, discussing my new job and how I was feeling about it.  The conversation evolved into a discussion that really demanded self-reflection.  The exchange broke me open a bit, so I feel a brief transcript be kept, necessarily:

😛 Yeah, I don’t expect the debt to be around long.. it sucks that it’s gotten as high as it has.. *sighs* .. not a moment goes by that I don’t wish things had gone differently.

I can’t even imagine better.
I spend all my time looking for something close.. but it’s all shallow and meaningless.

then some how get her back … >.> spend all the time you can getting her if you cant then find something that fills the void

… the real world doesn’t work that way, sir. It’s not like I haven’t tried. She knows. She reads my blog.. I’ve outright asked a couple times since we split up. It’s on her, I can’t obsess more than I already am. If she wants me, she’ll come back

If she wants someone else… it hurts.. a lot, but it’s her choice.

then theres only the move on option yes?

Of course. Which I’ve been trying to do.. but again, all shallow and meaningless. There’s no… rare, special, spark.

you will find one bro it just takes time cant expect it immediatly

Perhaps not, but jesus the loneliness and pervasive feeling of pointlessness without it..

it goes away …. had it for like a year but it went away

Yeah well.. here’s hoping I have that kind of conviction… I shouldn’t have let her get away again.. there’s no warning with her.. no build up. It’s just.. BOOM too far, game over.

Must construct additional conversations, bro.

>.> additional ?

nevermind.
See… she would have just.. understood that.

she got the quirks.. you know?

she had that unique personality set that you just dont find 😮

No offence, I love you like a brother.. but she understood me on a level that is so rare… I was able to really speak the way I felt.

but that fact there was no warning from her sucks … so the fact was she just was not very open about that kind of stuff

none taken 😛
unlike yourself im very simple and easy to understand lol which is a good and bad thing

It’s not even a matter of ‘being open’ .. our communication was fine. The singular fight, expanded to the point that it ended our relationship again in a period of.. 3 hours?

it should take more then that though … dont you think?

The two of us are clever.. we dug up foundations of things we were fighting to fix out of the arguments we spat at eachother…. she lost hope in my ability to change in a way that allowed her to grow.

….see i just stop talking when i get in a fight and step away

Heh, you’re a stronger man than I in that respect, sir.

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