On the Socialization of Humans
These thoughts are dedicated to all the futures we’ve given up in
pursuit of comfortable presents.
I’m tired of concerning myself with the future.
I want to appreciate happiness of the moment, too often is now ruined by whens and ifs. I believe truly living in the moment requires a relinquishment of future concerns.
Let tomorrow happen. Appreciate now.
Things are good, I hope the same for you.
I’ve been quiet the last few days. I’ve been thinking about love and the various definitions this word has had over the course of my life.
All I’ve concluded is that defining love is like…describing the shape of water. You need reference to what it’s contained within..
Poetry tonight, I missed you last week.
I believe my opinions regarding self-reflection are evident and clear within this blog. I believe the importance of self-reflection to be universal. The recent trend of ‘girl-power’ themed letters to former selves is an inspirational one, and I believe a lot could be gleaned if everyone participated! That said:
Dear 12 year old me;
A lot’s changing. You’ve never concerned yourself over physical changes, but you feel the dynamic of relationships around you changing. Don’t lose sleep over the screaming, it matters now, but its importance will pass.
Don’t worry about your sister. It’ll take a few years before you fully understand everything, but I promise she’s alright.
Dear 17 year old me;
This is the year you begin to define yourself. For the first time in your life you will hold the brush and the mural you paint will depict who you are as a person for years to come.
Don’t put so much pressure on yourself. Grades come and go, as do jobs. Focus on living and don’t be afraid to push your boundaries. It’s only when you abolish the need for comfort that you truly begin to come into your own.
Dear 24 year old me;
Don’t let darkness consume you. You came out of the relationship stronger than ever and you produced a miracle. Be proud of everything you’ve done by this point.
She won’t hate you forever, and your perspective of everything will stabilize. This is the first moment you truly experience fear and loneliness. 135 scars serve to remind me of what you went through. Learn from it.
You develop a substance abuse problem this year. It sneaks up on you and you’re brilliant at rationalizing it. See it for what it is, and prepare yourself for a struggle.
Stop burning bridges just because they aren’t painted your favorite fucking colour.
Dear 27 year old me;
Jesus. I didn’t think you’d make it through the last 6 months. You did so and still find reason to smile each day. I’m harder on you now than ever before and it’s because I know what you’re capable of.
Pay little mind to the exhaustion right now. Don’t concern yourself over drama. You’ve been uprooted again, reminded of all those feelings of loneliness and fear. The silver lining is that this has provided you with room to grow once more.
You’ve a habit of entangling your life with others. This isn’t inherently bad, though all your experience and advice may point this way.
Keep searching, never forget, work hard.
Where you’re going doesn’t matter as much as what you learn to get there.
The day was a roller coaster. There was admittedly only one significant drop, ironically, when I saw you.
My heart plummeted at the end of an otherwise fantastic day, and I cried. I cried in public over lost love and how twisted and contorted my once beautiful feelings have become. I refuse to allow the end of a ride to tarnish the ride’s enjoyment however. I had a great time twice. I was made to feel cared about and loved. I was reminded of what pride feels like..twice.
She’s getting so big.
Anyone’s guess as to what my dreams will bring tonight…