I feel both trapped and disregarded. I’m a prisoner of thoughts I can’t control and emotions that do not listen. My inability to feel comfort in the expression of either around you is a product of how my past expression has been met with anger, frustration, derision.
My fear was met with resentment.. It wasn’t my choice to cry half the night in silence.. it was yours to get in my face during a state of fear and confusion, throwing me out instead of.. trying to understand with me.
My heart free falls once more.. waiting for compassion to catch it.
Even the purest of intentions turn sour in the shadow of waning focus and loss of attention.
The minutia, the oversights, the tiniest truths beget the largest cracks.
erived from their collusion…an addiction, the heat of which is tempered by only the most basic needs for survival…
How can one hope to rise above something that so wholly engulfs the desires of both mind and body?
he pain in my jaw is testament to subconscious concerns. While I can’t define them.. they eat at me. The blisters, earned by familiarizing myself with the beaten path once more, are nearly healed.
I feel bottled up.
There’s reason enough for today to go well. I hope my mood holds as I’ve noticed stress creeping into my demeanor.
Live now, refresh often, breathe meaningfully.
bury my thoughts and nightmares in a haze of smoke for nearly 2 hours. Sandman was never merciful. Why does stability beget… weight.. and pressure? Balancing requires too much time, too much focus.
Let the plates fall.
y head throbs under the weight of all the thoughts I don’t have time or energy to explore.. under the pressure built up by all the words I can’t seem to speak.
I don’t find satisfaction in being alone. I never have. None of the tricks I learned as an only child seem applicable in adulthood. I’ve spent my life evolving inwardly. I want to evolve outwardly now. I carry no shame in wanting to share that experience with someone close… I carry only malcontent in the face of the reality that I’ve not found someone who wants to come along..
Filling time for the sake of filling time is wasteful.