The Stream Flows…

I feel both trapped and disregarded.  I’m a prisoner of thoughts I can’t control and emotions that do not listen. My inability to feel comfort in the expression of either around you is a product of how my past expression has been met with anger, frustration, derision.

My fear was met with resentment.. It wasn’t my choice to cry half the night in silence.. it was yours to get in my face during a state of fear and confusion, throwing me out instead of.. trying to understand with me.

My heart free falls once more.. waiting for compassion to catch it.

2 thoughts on “The Stream Flows…

  1. Emotions are difficult to control alone, but not impossible! You seem to me like a person reaching out for help in order to make sense of the overwhelming thoughts that you experience in life, but my advice? Don’t rely on others to define your happiness; most people (99.9999% in my experience) will not understand you on ordinary terms no matter how you express it so how can you expect them to help you understand yourself when you are struggling? The trick is to never expect anything from others. If you are not comfortable expressing yourself, they are not worth your time! I have come to feel that emotions only listen if you have a strong enough voice and not one single person will help you with that apart from yourself.

    Your time is valuable, and you are strong. Work at self-improvement constantly, realize your self-worth and enjoy the things YOU love to do! Create your own terms and let them come to you when they want to understand. Everyone deserves to be happy, but you have to work hard for it and one day you will come across the person who will help catch you when you falter. =)

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  2. I also have felt trapped by endless, loud thoughts and emotions that rage and suffocate me. For so long, I lived in a tunnel of darkness with no light to guide me. I was cynical, full of fear, full of loathing for myself and the world, inconsistent in my actions and my affections. I wrote reams and reams of dull, flat words trying in vain to work through the mulch of my existence. My thoughts went round and round. Nothing changed. And then I went to a Mindfulness Meditation course. I found it interesting but it didn’t really help me. Then I read some stuff on Mindfulness and it was interesting but yeah whatever. Then all of a sudden, I understood Mindfulness. I understood it and I applied it. To my thoughts at first, then to my emotions and then to every aspect of my life. It is genuinely amazing what you can learn about yourself and the world just by observing your thoughts and your emotions without becoming engaged within them. Observe your uncontrollable thoughts and then acknowledge them and let them go. Say to yourself “oh that was an interesting thought…but I don’t need to think about that right now. I’ll think about it in 5 minutes.” and then the thought will be replaced by another or the same or whatever, it doesn’t matter. you don’t want to control it. even if the same thought badgers at you a hundred times, just observe it and acknowledge it and let it go. You can do this with emotions as well. Notice your emotions, observe them. Feel their intensity and allow them to process fully and then release. Everything is cyclical. Observe. Don’t get involved. You will reach a state of impartial peace and the more you do it (it takes a long time to get it down really good), the more you realise that you are not your thoughts and you are not your emotions. You are in your natural state, a being of love which has been filled up with knots and tangles and clouds of negative thoughts, emotions, thought structures, fears etc. This is not your fault. This is normal. But there are tools and resources out there to help you find that peace within yourself as long as you open yourself to it. Always protect yourself from the negative. Allow in only that which is positive and serves your highest good. I wish you all the best on your journey 🙂

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