Drowning

The lights are out.  There’s no doubt in my mind that the screams and shouts were real.
How do you feel anything at all when your hopes seem lost and your dreams appeal to the past.

Uncontrollable fasts and sleepless nights block the streams that flowed so pure.
Flood waters cure me of the ailments that happiness once bestowed, my mind remains in tow.
Forever behind the present, thoughts of self resentment are all to be seen below the turbulent surface.

Gasping for air, my lungs despair, the deep is all they find.
Freezing truth fills my chest, my legs are bound and my heart arrests when you leave.

Smoke and mirrors once made clear my fears but now all I see is you…floating away.

Goodbye

Here’s the poem I performed tonight. Special thanks to my close friends Braden and Amanda for showing their support, I never would had the courage to speak my soul without them:

When I’m with you, I fly.  There’s nothing quite like the sky, filling one’s eyes to make you forget how far the ground is, but it’s there, it’s there waiting to be the only thing to catch me when you’re gone.

I lose myself, I lose my identity it seems, in an ocean of dreams, when all I’ve known is a life of streams.. and puddles.

It hurts.  It hurts, to be shackled to Mr. Hyde when Dr Jekyll is all I want to be.

When we’re together, I’m an addict, counting the sobriety tokens I’ve earned since the sharpest and most broken parts of me were pressed firm against the most vulnerable parts of each of us.

My moment of clarity is a nightmare, flashes of moments I was scared, causing my hair to stand on end and tear at everything I was once so sure of.

We may be tough as nails–but over the years, the salt in my tears has left my skin brown with rust and when I reach out to touch you all I have to give…

is tetanus…

So I wait, I sit and I wait, alone  and I wait, praying and hoping that time will soon have mercy enough to CLR my heart and all that I am can be shiny and new once more.

Acquisition of Courage

Every Tuesday night the Rouge Lounge, here in Edmonton, hosts the Breath in Poetry Collective and a weekly Poetry Slam/open mic.  It’s been a long time coming, but I’ve been working on a piece that I would love to read, conviction and courage willing.

I’d like to invite everyone with even passive interest to join me in the night’s events, good people, drinks and AMAZING spoken word poets.

The night starts at 9PM, for more information please visit:

http://www.rougelounge.ca

and

http://www.beathinpoetry.com

I’d love to see a few familiar faces.  See you there!

Patchwork

The lessons learnt in dark places are made more clear by the light through yonder window
Dawn shatters the sky like a mosaic of dreams adrift on sunbeams and yesterday seems but a memory

Hard lessons leave their marks on my skin, but how could I refrain?
My heart bursts with the courage to make love known, I am one who loved not wisely, but too well

For you to be in shady cloister, not a peep
Out of sight
Passions dispersed by distance and time

The past remains a minefield of damned spots to be rid of, a lesson above all else: To thine own self be true
The course of love never did run smooth

A summer’s day begs no comparison, my only fear;
Wherefore art thou, Tomorrow

 

 

Nightfall

I find myself forgetting…

The last rays of light devoured by the horizon
Another day stolen by time
Thoughts seem to pursue the fleeting warmth, refusing to set yesterday free

The edges of once sharp perception become obfuscated by shadow.

Clarity is gone.

In the frigid night air I find my dreams, curled under a cardboard box
My hope, huddled around the faint glow of a cigarette

At what cost does one find peace?

Footing…

I stand.

My legs shake when I’m alone and my hands tremble with every memory that flutters before my eyes.

But I stand.

It was silence that lead to the dissolution of my world.  Thoughts, dreams, fears behind locked doors.
I learnt to hate myself.  I learnt to hate every word I couldn’t say clearly enough to make us both understand what was happening in my heart.

How good you felt numbed me to the disgrace I’d become..passions that once burned strongly in me served to only char our already wounded identities.

It’s silence I must learn to hate…

My chest is open now.. my emotions and thoughts as opaque as can be..
I stand.. to be taken as you will.